Ricky, please do not worry, you will leave behind all of that, all the lies that he told you and the tears that you cried, the fears of dark and silence, in a house that was suddenly too big.
Let the black water run, do not plunge in it anymore.
I know all of that, because all is connected, and any and each soul is but a fragment of something else. You may still think that all the love you though he gave to you was a lie, but all of us we just do what we can, and he did what he could and now… now… You cannot imagine in this sudden desert that rain is all around you, it is in you and I would like to heal you with a word just because if I could heal you I could, maybe, heal myself. We can maybe fool ourselves but cannot help to hope, can’t we?
He was rational, you said, he chose the rational thing to do, and I see your wounds in your eyes, so firm in their need not to betray your sorrows… and you talk of children, and you talk of weddings, and you talk of family, and you talk about the Asian way, and you talk of pain, and you talk about the shattering walking on the brink of Nothing that night, when you discovered that you wanted to be alive again, after trailing Death.
No need to say how many sleepless nights, staring at the colorful dancing lights on your walls, looking at the panda sitting on the sofa, while saying again “I do not need anybody now…now…now…”
Because any new lie just raise all the lies we received before, at once. We know that, don’t we all?
Because any new wound just reach the deepest wound of them all. We know that, don’t we all?
You do not need to say anything at all, I thank you for sharing all of this, and I know that now you feel ashamed and you will never contact me again, but I want to thank you to let me inhabit your solitude for a day, and let me help you one step beyond pain, one step beyond your lonely nights.
Marco Maurizio Gobbo